I found myself wide awake this morning at 2:00 am. Just staring at the ceiling. My mind wandered off to last night’s workout with the SDP boys. I finally had a workout where nothing was tight and nothing hurt. I felt strong. Then I started thinking about getting myself back to the way I used to be. It occurred to me that I might be motivating myself in the wrong way.
As I lay there…the concept of “looking back” kept popping into my head. That took me way back in time when I was in High School at a track meet. I remember watching our 4×400 relay team. For the first 2 legs, we had a comfortable lead. The third member of the team was fast, but he had a knack for looking back. During his leg, he kept looking back to see how close the next runner was to him. As he kept looking over his shoulder, the gap between him and the next runner kept getting smaller. Eventually he was overtaken, and we lost the relay.
I have been spending a lot of time looking back and trying to get back to the athlete I used to be. It occurred to me that maybe I have been limiting myself by looking back so much. Sure I needed time to heal after the hip replacement, and looking back helped me to get through that process. But now I am feeling it is time to let go of the past and “stryke” (as in Stryker Hip Replacement) a new course. I will allow myself to occasionally look back and fondly recall my past performances, but they will remain in the past. I will not use them to drive me forward, nor will I compare as much. Just being able to get back to running and compete is a blessing. Every day is a new and exciting day and every faster time that I achieve over the previous time with this new hip, is a new record for me. I have always been a competitor, so I am not worried about my times not improving….they will. I just need to let go of how I used to be……and trust in the new runner that I will become. And who knows, maybe by not looking back so much…..I will achieve things I never knew possible. I’m optimistic….